A Cuban Oasis



La Gloria Cubana. by Ivis


After 8 plus years of living away from Miami its really been a culture shock coming back to a Cuban infested city. There are two types of Cuban for those of you that don't know. There is the educated, elegant, sophisticated,  beautiful, sexy Cuban and then there are the rest no need to say more. Today I begin to share with you some of my Cuban experiences.

The CUBAN Shoe Shop Monologe:
translated version

Cast:
Cuban Shop Owner lady
Her older parents
A Hialeah sales man selling clothing and fake purses
The Central American shoe attendant

I decide to go shoe shopping to day at a local Cuban shoe store today and this is what went down.
Standing by the cash register is the Hialeah sales man trying to sell some blouses to the shop owner. The sales man said that he had limited sizes because he did not have time to stop by the store and pick up more but that the store owner lady should try on what he is got because he is sure it would look great on her.
Shop owner lady is about 5'6 tall, probably a size 12-14 waist and a triple D chest size. 


Cuban Shop Owner Lady:   (with perky reds lips, permanent painted red eyebrows and a heavy Cuban accent) 
 "Let me try that white shirt in size small"

Central American shoe attendant:  
"Girl you know you are not a small you should be wearing a large"

Cuban Shop Owner Lady responds:
"You know, you are starting to get on my nerves. Let me show you."

After a few minutes the Cuban Shop Owner Lady comes back out wearing the small size white lycra type shirt with botton down chest area and tight black leggins.

Cuban Shop Owner Lady: "look papi, I told you this little body of mine can fool you. look at how good the small size fits."

Hialeah sales man: "uuhii mami, yes that looks really good."

Cuban Shop Owner lady's mother: "Wow what a fancy looking shirt, looks great on you."

Hialeah sales man: " And you should see the black Choosie Catur purse I have in the car. It would look great with that shirt mami."

Cuban Shop Owner Lady: "Is the purse real?"

Hialeah sales man: " No mami is not real but it looks real good."

Cuban Shop Owner Lady: "ahi leme see if I can close the bottons on the breast," "never mind it wont close, I will just leave it open." (all breast hanging out)

Central American shoe attendant: "I told you that you where not a small, you need to start wearing a large."

Cuban Shop Owner Lady: "Oh please be quiet, you have no idea what you are talking about." ( she then begins to breath heavily and sighing)

Cuban Shop Owner lady's mother: "What is wrong?"

Cuban Shop Owner Lady: "I am short of breath."

Cuban Shop Owner lady's mother: "You sure the shirt is not too tight?"

Cuban Shop Owner lady's father: "No chica, is not the shirt! Can't you see she has a bad cold?"

Me: Busted out laughing, almost peed on my pants.. ajajajajaj.. Ahi, these Cubans!

Ivis